Hi, I am Lindsey's father. My name is Jeff. I feel compelled to share with those of you that wish to read on. I am truly not sure what substance or form that this page may take. It may be musings, insight, or perhaps a complete waste of time. Perhaps it is nothing more than a place for me to place random thoughts just to exorcise them from me and to put them out there for others to see. The following is just something that I feel like perhaps one other person in the world may find and they may be able to relate. If they can relate, maybe this text can make a difference for them. Maybe I can help them along their way in their journey to find their way in this world.
When this all first hit us I felt so much pain and sorrow, so much fear and concern. As crazy as it sounds I now view all of this as a blessing. A great quote from a book that we got for parents who have kids with cancer came from one of the other parents. They said something to the effect of, "We've gone through Hell... but we met a lot of really nice people along the way." I pray now not only for my little Lindsey to be cured, I pray for so many others that we've met along the way. I pray in thanks for all of you here, I pray for the children afflicted, for the families impacted, and for the caregivers who truly care as they fight alongside the true healer in an effort to help families stay together as families in this life as well as in the next. I pray for all people impacted with cancer and for all of the people of the world in one way or another. I also pray for those out there like me. I pray for those that know the love of God but have turned away. I was there. I've turned back and the lord is happy to have me.
Most people, I think, turn away from their savior as I had in the past. Not through intention or malice but through complacency. From saying to themselves, "I am a Christian, I believe, and that is enough." Well I am here to tell you all now that it is not enough! It is no more enough than it would be for you to live your life with no care about your significant other and what they want or need. Anyone that has an even marginally happy and successful relationship has one because they work at it. They nurture their relationship; they show their affection for one another, they profess their love for each other regularly. Your spiritual marriage demands nothing less. It wants you to show your love, it wants you to work at keeping the relationship a strong and happy one. It's taken all of this... It has taken me almost losing my beautiful little girl to realize that. I will pay penance for that for the rest of my days and I will pray for forgiveness and I will pray to say thank you. Thank you lord for waking me, I’ve been sleeping for too long.
I will now do what I know I should. I will try and be an example like my little baby girl has become. I hope that all of you will do the same. No, I don't plan on knocking on doors with a bible in my hand. I don't think there is anything wrong with doing that if that is what the lord moves you to do. I just don't feel moved to do that right now. I do however plan on walking a straighter road and becoming a better example to my children, my family and my friends. I don't want those I love to turn away from the lord. I want them to walk with him through all of their lives and as I influence them, they will influence others and the ripples will move outward in the sea of life and others that are just floating along, still and stagnant, will hopefully be moved and in turn they will move others and hopefully one day all of God's children will notice the pull of the tide and they will swim with it. I pray that everyone will swim out of the tumultuous seas and that they will find their way to the shore.
I know that so many of you have reasoned with yourselves. You have yourselves convinced that you are fine, that you are happy. You will stay tied to your moorings. After all, you know that lord can see you. You know that Jesus is there at the shore and that he is watching you and you are right. He is watching. He will keep the sharks at bay, and he will keep you afloat on the raging sea so that is doesn't pull you down. But what he wants is to have you with him on the shore. He suffered and died to save us all. His love for us is that strong. I feel that he longs for us to be with him the same way that you long for the company of your loved ones when you are forced to be away from one another and although you have yourself convinced that you are fine where you are. Don't you think that you owe it to yourself to see how you would feel in his presence? It is simply a matter of unhooking the chains that tie you fast to your moorings. If you don't think you can make it to shore simply call out to those around you and someone else who is heading there will help you or call to those on the shore already they will gladly swim to you and speed you to shore.
Life here on this green earth is simply a matter of decision. There is nothing in from this world that has any control over you. There are two forces on this earth and humankind has known this since the beginning of time. There are forces of good and evil in this world. They are real and palpable. All humans feel the pull of each. All humans know deep in their hearts and in their soul that these forces are there. Each of you can feel their pull and each of you have the god given ability to decide which of these forces you will succumb to with each and every decision that you make in your lives. Most people decide to stay on the good side of the line where good and evil meet. Most stay well on the good side of the line. The problem is that if we all searched our hearts and souls with each decision that we make in our lives and before we decide we allow our moral and spiritual compass point the way all of our decisions would push us closer to the ultimate good. Each time that we allow ourselves to reason away that pull of the moral and spiritual compass we sin. With each sin we move closer to evil. This is why we are all sinners. We sin because God loved us so much that he gave us the ability to sin, the ability to decide. He did this because he simply wants our love in return. Without free will, without the ability to make decisions God could've created us all to simply follow the path to righteousness but in doing so he would've simply created slaves. He would've created something bound to love him. This is not what God intended. God loves us all and he wants us to decide to love him and be in a loving and caring relationship with him as far to the side of good as we are able to go.
I was floating out there in the sea, I decided that I was ok with where I was and I knew that I was under the care and protection of our Lord God Jesus Christ but I know in my heart that I was not far enough away from that dividing line between the pull of good and evil. I knew in my heart that some of the decisions that I made were being made out of my free will while I ignored my moral and spiritual compass. I admit freely to all of you that I am a sinner. It took almost losing one of my children for me to realize that. Do you understand how powerful that is? I was close enough to the line between damnation and righteousness that evil found it's way into my life and was threatening not just me but my entire family in the life of my daughter and in the happiness of my wife, my children. Evil found it's way not only into my home but into the flesh of my little girl. Do I think that she got cancer as a direct result of my not living life as a good Christian? No. Do I think that the Lord made this happen? No. But do I know now the error of my ways and how I was living my life? Absolutely!
So, I will take all of this unto myself and I will store it away as a lesson, a blessing, and a second chance. A second chance for my little girl who is now in remission, a second chance for my wife and I as we now see the danger in being complacent in a relationship and knowing now, full well, the importance of actively nurturing our relationship with God and our relationship as husband and wife. I will also take from this the knowledge that I've taken part in my own little miracle as I've seen the impact that my little girl's sickness has had on so many. I have opened my eyes, I have undone my chain, and I have begun my voyage to shore not only so that I can be saved and forgiven but to thank the Lord Jesus personally for loving us all so very much.